The evolution of change

“Dreams pass into the reality of action. 
From the actions stems the dream again; 
and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.” 
-Anais Nin

The sweet smell of fresh forest air… I have my windows open all night, every night. The weather here allows me to do so. The birds wake just before dawn, the beautiful noise causes us to close the windows for those last few precious moments of sleep.

I am no longer a prisoner of my life. Although mistakes are still being made with more sure to follow, I accept them with grace. I realize now that making the decision to change everything wasn’t the hard part, nor was following through with it. The hardest part, the longest lesson, and the most difficult trial, is learning how to let go of everything you thought you needed to do.

We were so caught up in the minutiae of it all that we temporarily lost sight of the big picture. Opening up to the small daily joys was a challenge. How can you enjoy where you are in life if all you can think about is working to pay the bills? Even the days off are filled with chores, errands, and stress. I would look out the window while driving from one job to another and think to myself that I was missing it all… my reason for change. I found myself desperately wanting to take back control of my life. But how? How can you do that and still pay the bills? More mistakes were made, and more money ill spent.

I’m learning to take my own advice and listen to my gut. If my gut was wrenched, it was because I was doing the wrong thing. So I let it go. Once again, I let it all go and finally gave myself permission to follow my bliss. I’m not working as much, not making nearly as much money, but all is well… somehow it no longer bothers me.

I wake up with the birds and I fall asleep with open windows. I walk in the woods and I play on the beach. I watch sunsets open up the sky for the brightest moon. I feel more. I laugh more. I love deeper. I’m alive!

I know that this awakening, this change, will lead me to the path of another form of success. Happiness!

Although the events in the book are personal, this isn't my story; it's our story. We've all been there: shamefully sucking-in our tummies to impress others, or using our sexuality to advance our careers because our intelligence or talent come second. Chapters from the book will be released in no chronological order, organically pouring out of me as emotions and memories resurface. Thank you for being here. —Kristen